Old and New Resolutions 2013

Another year has passed.  Where did it go???  I'm not at all sure, but I feel like each one is speeding up and up and up.  Do you remember last year when I wrote about resolutions.  Well I figured, why not to do that again?

Here are the old resolutions:

1.  I want to journal.  I like to write and I'd like to improve at it and writing every day (or most every day) is the only way to get better.  Josh got me a nice new journal for Christmas so there is no excuse.

I'm pretty sure I'm going to get partial credit on all of these.  Since I'm making the rules though, I deem that that is good enough.  So sayeth Sierra.  Let it be.  I didn't journal.  Well I think I journaled two or three days, BUT I did write.  I wrote a short story or two.  I wrote 50 pages of a novel.  I wrote out outlines of two more stories I'd like to write.  Shrug, that's something.  Let's call it 1/2 credit.

2.  Improve my mind in some way.  I read a lot and that is good for your mind, but I want more.  In the interest of full disclosure, I am a teeny tiny bit quite a bit jealous of Josh being back in school.  I definitely DO NOT miss the homework and test anxiety, but I do miss learning.  I have some little kid French book/movies and I want to work on my French. Josh and I want to go to Europe when he graduates and it would be cool to be a little more fluent.  I want to work on my cake decorating too.  It's silly, but it gives me pleasure.  I want to be capable of making cakes or cupcakes for friends and family without being embarrassed by how they turn out.  I guess that's more of a skill, but let's run with it, mk?

For more credit on my part, lets divide this into two parts.  Number one, work on French.  I did...a teeny tiny bit, like minuscule.  I think when (if) we go to Europe next year, I can read pretty much anything, but speaking listening, not so much.  I'll take paper that says "Ecrit si vous plait".  We'll say 1/4 credit.  Number two, work on cakes.  Hey, I did that one!!  I made some cakes and cupcakes for other people.  I was only moderately embarrassed!  I have miles to go before I'm "good", but I'm better than I was.

3.  Work on becoming a more Godly woman.  If I were to keel over this year, I would want people to be able to say of me that I demonstrated God's love.  I don't plan on keeling over, but that way I'll be well prepared.  I don't really know how I am going to go about this.  I go to church, I volunteer there, I read my Bible, I pray.  I do all the stuff you are supposed to do, but it feels like there is something more I could be doing.  For moment, I will make it a matter of prayer and try to show Jesus through every day actions, but I'm on the lookout for something bigger, like a mission trip or, more likely, some ministry that I feel I could be helpful in.

Shew, would that I had never written this.  My relationship with God has been a bit tumultuous this year.  The infertility was hard on it.  I alternate between being upset with God because He could fix this, He could fix this so fast and yet he doesn't and trusting that He has a plan I can't see or understand.  I wish I could say that I have been totally, awesomely, always "Hooray that I am going through this trial!  Go God for seemingly acting 180 degrees from what I'm diligently and passionately praying for", but I haven't always.  Sometimes it's more "I don't understand whine, tears, whine!  Everyone else gets a baby and I don't!  Do you love them more than me???"  Maybe that's real life.  I can say overall that my relationship has grown, but there were some growing pains.  So, let's say no credit for that one.  Ministries, ministries...hmmm.  I did some sign language stuff, but there was much less interest than I wanted so it kind of petered out.  I'm now the greeter at the women's group I joined, but I quit nursery in October because it got to hard.  I'm gonna say 2/3 credit for that.

Let me total up my fractions and see what I got.  Apparently simple math is harder for me than it once was.  Oh crud, now I made a typo.  Let's start again.  Got it!  2.42/5.00  Ugh, that was less than great, but something.  Only 18% of people make and keep resolutions so I did better than that?  Sure let's go with that.

I'm not feeling particularly ambitious this year.  I'd like to lose some weight/work out at all.  As in, I don't do any and that is oh so bad for me.  I wish I loved it.  However, I have so little expectation of that happening that it isn't a resolution, but I will get bonus points if I lose any weight.

1.  I would like to do the 365 Day Photo Challenge.  Josh got me a marvelous camera for Christmas and I am tickled pink with it.  In theory I would also like to improve my photography skills in the process.  I think that's an attainable goal.

2.  I'd like to get 300 pages of my book written.  That's less than a page a day.  We'll see how that works out, but let's put it in writing.

3.  I'd like to work on the adoption (obviously).  We need to get some major traction going on that front.

So...yeah...we'll see if it goes any better than this past year.  We'll strive for 60% completion.  Really set that bar high!  Happy New Year!!

So...I Guess We're Done?

Today Josh and I did the last of three IUIs. I was glad to get another try in, I wasn't sure it would work out to do another cycle. My doctor will only do a protocol for three cycles, so this would be the end of this protocol, but this is as far as Josh and I go now. We could go on to IVF with half ICSI, but we have prayed about it and don't feel that that is the way God's leading us.

It's the strangest thing, to be done. We've been on this path for two and a quarter years. I feel kind of liberated. It will be nice to not be tied to the calendar. It's bittersweet though. Of course, maybe this time will be The Time, but if not, it's okay because we will focus on the adoption. While I was laying on the table, trying to will myself to get pregnant, Josh said that this month we couldn't lose.  That's nice to hear, if we get pregnant-yay, if not, adoption time. Win/win

There's our fertility update, because I know you were Dying to know!

The MaddAddam Trilogy

The anxiously awaited third book of Margaret Atwood's MaddAddam series came out.  I have to admit that at first I didn't enjoy it as much as I did Oryx and Crake or The Year of the Flood.  Somewhere around the halfway point though it really picked up and I was once again overwhelmed by the possibilities Atwood painted.  I was particularly pleased with the ending.  Ms. Atwood isn't one to really wrap up a story in the way that most authors do.  In some ways it's great because you can let your imagination follow the leadings of her writing and come to your own conclusions, but it is also frustrating because there isn't the tidy package I'm accustomed to.  This probably had the best ending of anything of hers that I have read.  Maybe it was because she had three books or maybe it because after three books Atwood felt like we deserved a more concrete ending.  The great thing about Atwood's writing is that she always leaves me wanting more, just one more chapter, one more remembrance.

This series is definitely not for everyone.  There is some mature content and very little that will make you feel happy about the human race, but the what-ifs are great.  The dystopia is close enough to make it seem possible, but not so close as to make you start hoarding water bottles.  The books are also quick reads so if you like dystopian books or if you are looking for some bite in the syrupy-ness of Christmas then look no further than this trilogy.

Chromosome Mapping

Sorry I didn't finish NaBloPoMo strong. I got the Plague a horrible cold and laid in bed, coughing until my throat bled. I did fairly well though so, A for effort.

November blogging wasn't what I wanted to post about though. I heard a very cool commercial this evening. It was advertising a company called 23andMe that does DNA sequencing on your chromosomes for only $99!! This might not seem like a big deal, but it is. I remember learning about human genome sequencing in high school and how you might be able to one day have your own genome sequenced. At the time it was ridiculously time consuming and cost prohibitive to even consider having your own genome sequenced. Even in college, that was still a topic professors would speculate on.  It's so wild that we have come so far so quickly.

I don't know what sort of quality this company offers, but I lean toward more information being a good thing. You could know if you carried any (well any specific, known) genetic problems.  I feel a sense of pride for my fellow scientific brethren who managed to make chromosome mapping affordable and available! You go guys!

Adoption Book

In my excitement over Josh getting job offers, I didn't think about what that meant for us in other areas.  The biggest being we can finally do the formal adoption application!!!!

I have been working on our adoption book all night and it's WAY harder than I would have thought.  I finally settled on a photobook company.  I'm going with Shutterfly because everyone on Facebook highly recommended them.  You gotta love FB for its instant responses to the tough questions in life like "Which is better Shutterfly or Snapfish?".  So then I went through all 203odd themes on the Shutterfly website.  I finally settled on Project Life:  Olive Edition.  Next I went through every picture Josh and I have taken since we started dating and a few more to describe our childhood, vacations, yada yada yada.  Now I'm working on picture placement and figuring out what type.  Whether to type it all first person or to type the stuff about Josh as third person is a very perplexing question.  So, too, is how to refer to the baby.  One side of the issue says to refer to the baby to be adopted as "theirs" (the birth parents) since they are the ones doing the choosing.  The other side says to refer to the baby as "ours" because you want the birth parents to know you will fully incorporate the child into your life and family (ie, they are no different in your eyes than a bio kid).

Decisions, decisions.  My guess is that I'll be working on this book for weeks and weeks on end.  Every decision seems Hugely important!  Like, what if I use "ours" and that turns the birth parents off and I don't get a baby?  Or what if they don't like the background of the book?  Is it too girly, too colorful, too something else?  I think I'll honestly have to pray over the book and not stressing over it so that the exact right family gets and reads it and feels comfortable with us.  That is what is really important for God to have His hand in it so that all parties are comfortable with the baby being where he/she is.

Jobs

Today was surprising, surprising in a good way for once. Josh got not one, but Two job offers!  He had had two interviews that he felt went well. We waited and waited and didn't hear anything. One of places gave him a time to call, but no one answered!  To be honest we had pretty much given up all hope on one of them and hope was waning on the other. Tonight I came home, opened the door, and Josh immediately started frantically waving for me to be quiet. When he hung up, he excitedly told me all about the offer. We were super excited!  Of course we started talking about the possibility of a move. The job is in GA. I started on supper while we talked about the issues surrounding selling the house. Before I could even get supper on the table, Josh got another phone and took it into the den. I could tell he was excited and kept mouthing for him to tell me what was going on. He wrote down just a thing or two and I called Mom while jumping up and down.

We Cannot Believe it!  We were both starting to feel frustrated with not having heard anything when they said they would let us know. We were really hoping for good news and now we have it!  With it comes a choice. As with most decisions there are pros and cons on each side and they need to be examined, weighed, and prayed over. Still, having a decision to make is awesome!

Dr. Who and More Plates

Today has been a pretty good day.  I think I can sum it up in three words:  New Dr. Who.  The 50th anniversary episode of Dr. Who came on yesterday as a simulcast, but I put off watching it so I could watch it with my friend Jamie today.  I went over to her house and we crafted and watched the episode.

It was ah-freakin'-mazing.  There was just so much going on.  The jokes, the past references, the plot, the insanely good looking doctors.  It is on the DVR and I think I'll watch it again tomorrow to make sure I caught everything.  The new monster/villain was cool too.  I like that they didn't update the Zygons.  It makes sense to update the Cybermen because technology has changed and they should look as up to date as possible, but when your alien is basically a pink slimy guy with suckers, you don't need to update that to make it translate.  Even Josh, who isn't super into Dr. Who, said it was probably the best episode he had ever seen.  The tie in to Elizabeth I which had been referenced so often was great!

We also crafted.  I made some more plates.  They turned out pretty well.  I'll be interested to see how they stand up to being washed.  Even if they don't take it well, they cost $1 plus paint so not this great loss.

A fun weekend was had and now I'm trying to get enough gumption to make it through a three day week.

Crafting!

Today was a fun day.  Josh and I actually got have a Saturday of running around with no homework needing to be done!  It was shocking and great.  After going to Lowe's (which is what makes an outing qualify as a real date) and a lovely nap, we went down to Mom and Dad's for supper and hanging out.  Eli is dating a new girl and she is an absolute sweetheart and, apparently something of a magician because she got Eli to craft.  Yes you read that correctly, craft.  She brought paints, plates, and ornaments and she, Eli, and I painted.  It was a hoot!

Mom watched.  She doesn't like to craft, but she loves to have all her duckies at her house laughing and having fun.

I made a plate.  I like it.  It's pretty and it was easy which is pretty much what I need in a craft.  It sort of inspired me to do some more.  I had bought plates a long time ago to paint a great big T on.  I have the plates and some paint, I really only need a stencil.  Maybe I'll grab that and paint some more.  The verse says:  So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.  

Here is Eli and his new girl.  He was making an 8 ball ornament.  He must have shaken paint in that thing for twenty minutes!  I kind of hope we all craft again soon.  If nothing else, it's funny to listen to Eli complain and then do it anyway.

I Can't Handle the Adorableness!

You have to look at the most precious little kid books that I just bought!  I heard about them over on epbot.com.  They are geeky redos of children's books.  One of them I got is a redo of If You Give a Mouse a Cookie.

Obviously I had to get this one because it is based on River Song and she is my spirit animal.  I have no idea what that means, but it seemed to fit in that sentence.  I'd like to imagine if I had an alter ego it would be her.

You can't tell me you don't want to read If You Give a Hobbit a Ring.  If you don't, you might possibly be missing your soul.  I'm sorry to tell you that.  Mount Doom has never looked more adorable!  I can't wait to get them in the mail and also I want to buy them all, but Josh might frown.  Then, of course, I would read him a cutesy book and he will turn that frown upside down!

Trigger Shot

This is an infertility post. Yeah I know I said I would only blog about infertility once, but I guess that didn't turn out to be true.

Today I went for my Day 13 ultrasound. My doc looked around and said that my follicle was big and beautiful, but it should have already ovulated. To force my body to ovulate they gave me a trigger shot of HCG. The shot itself was the least painful shot I have ever had. I didn't even feel it...until I did. Oh boy those hormones just hit me like a big ol wave.

Basically my body went from just chirping along to Bang! Suddenly thinking it is pregnant. I'm feeling less icky this evening thankfully. Tomorrow I start "testing out the trigger". That means that every morning I take a pregnancy test and wait for the positive to fade. It's kind of exciting because, for the first time ever, I'll see a positive test. The actual benefit of testing out the trigger is that each person's body is very different and the HCG leaves at different rates and you can't tell always when you have a genuine positive.  Perhaps bigger than bodies being different, I'm testing it out because I want to see a positive test. Yeah it's stupid, but I got $1 pregnancy tests so at least I'm not wasting money on it. I got five, the cashier thought I was a wee bit crazy haha.

Tomorrow is the IUI so hopefully the HCG does its thing before we get there. Fingers crossed for my big ol follicle (and the smaller one on the other side).

Teen Mom 3

This evening got away from me.  I sat down on the couch and saw that a new episode of Teen Mom 3 had recorded (I still instinctively say "taped" even though there is no tape involved anymore).  Some ridiculous number of hours later I look at the clock and go "huh, those are hours I'll never get back."

The really horrible thing is that I watch all those shows 16 and Pregnant, Teen Mom, Teen Mom 2, and Teen Mom 3.  Not religiously, I'll go for a long time and not see an episode and it won't even cross my mind and then I catch a marathon and boom!  Right back to watching the train wreck.  And oh my goodness is it a train wreck.  Every season I see one of the girls and I think "This one is going to be alright.  Both parents seem to have okay heads on their shoulders and they have some support."  Each season I am wrong.  Shew.  I just shake my head.  I think that's really the entire draw of the show.  I'm pretty sure the other women across America who watch this are yelling at their tvs "Are you Blind???  He's cheated on every other girl he's with, but he won't cheat on you when you're nine months pregnant and hormonal!  That's reasonable!"  I feel like the girls should get Olympic type scores based on how truly bad their decisions are.  Score a 10 for a yelling match with your drug using baby daddy in the middle of a public street with your entire family as witnesses!

This episode was the last of the season so Dr. Drew was on talking to each of the parents and the grandparents.  I think that's my favorite.  I really should only watch that episode because you get all the nitty gritty, but without the time investment.  It definitely makes me remember how young 16 is.  Their brains are honestly not fully developed!  It's no wonder they make some suspect choices.  As we say in the south:  bless their hearts.

Half Thoughts

Today is one of those days where I don't have a full post's worth of things to say, but I have a sentence or two to say about a handful of stuffs.

1.  I've started MaddAddam and it is already good. I do love me some Margaret Atwood!  She does tend to just drop you right into

2.  The 50th anniversary of Dr. Who is Saturday!!  I'm super excited. The previews look awesome, but I'm sad that it is one episode closer to Matt Smith leaving.

3.  We do the second IUI this week. I've already taken some of the medicine and I'm pretty sure my ovary are about to rupture. It's all swollen and ugh. Maybe a baby will happen this time.

4.  I already did my thankfulness post, but I have an addendum. Gosh I think I really misspelled that. My iPad does some funky spellcheck. Just refer back to the shoebox post where it kept autocorrecting to two words instead of one compound one.  I'm thankful for Josh singing in the shower. He has been stressed this semester and when he is stressed he doesn't sing. I didn't realize how much I liked him singing until he was so stressed he stopped. It makes me know all is fine in his world.

5.  I'm fairly convinced that today is Wednesday so I may show up at book club tomorrow instead of Thursday which I already did last week.  Yep, got halfway there before I realized. I think once I had a better memory, but I can't actually remember because of well...the memory thing.

6.  My brother hit a deer so I sent him this lovely little ditty:  No more Dasher or Dancer or Prancer or Vixen. No more Comet or Cupid or Donner or Blitzen. Santa we hear you squall because Eli killed them all!  Then I asked him if he was okay. He said perhaps my priorities were a little off.


7.  Now off to bed.  Thinking I might get my down comforter out.  Snuggly time!

Barbra Park

Tonight I found out some sad news.  Barbara Park, the author of the Junie B. Jones series, passed away of ovarian cancer.  This series was published long after I was past the age to be reading them, but Mom read them to Eli and then to cousins.  We would get so tickled at them that Mom couldn't read and I couldn't breathe.  Kids thought they were good, but we thought they were a riot!  Park perfectly captured that 6 year old voice.

I'm sad that there will be no new books.  I hate to hear that she lost her battle to cancer when she should have still had more years of writing (she was 66).  I hope Mrs. Park knew how beloved her character was and I hope she was immensely proud of her legacy.

Now I really want to go read about Junie B.'s teachers' taking deep breaths and counting to 10 and mean ol' May and Richie Lucille.  Such cute, funny stories.  Rest in peace Barbra Park.

Shoe boxes 2013

Oh happy day!  It was shoe box day today!  I posted about last year's here.  I filled three this year because I couldn't find the box size I usually use (boot box, boots are shoes!  That should totally count).  Well this year there were only regular size boxes so we did a 2-4 year old girl, a 5-9 year old girl and a 5-9 year old boy.  As always, it was much fun.  I wish every year that I could go deliver the boxes myself.  Josh paid for them online though so I will get to see what country they go to.  That will be a tiny consolation.

:(  The picture is teeny!  Okay let me describe it for you.  This is the 2-4 year old box.  It includes:  cabbage patch doll in bunny outfit, two Disney Princess dolls with changeable clothes (Tiana and Ariel), Brown Bear Brown Bear What Do You See?, Sofia the First sticker book, Whac-a-Mole card game, My Little Pony figurine, mini Etch-a-Sketch, toothpaste, toothbrush, soap.

5-9 year old boy box.  It has two superhero figurines (Captain America and Spiderman), two HotWheels, Uno, a football, Lego Fire Truck thingy, Cars stickers, slime that makes noises, punch balloons, toothpaste, toothbrush, soap, candy.

5-9 year old girl box.  Lego friends set, Barbie's little sister who's name I forget, Uno, Etch-a-Sketch, slime that makes noise, crayons, coloring/sticker book, hairbands, Disney Princess stickers, punch balloons, toothbrush, toothpaste, soap, candy.

I maintain that I could have gotten one more thing in the 5-9 year old boxes, but Josh says they are just fine and maybe they won't lalalaala get broken up by the packers lalalalala.  Yes the lalalas are there because I refuse to believe that my boxes will be opened and split up!  I want everything I packed to go to one little person, so Obviously if I sing over that suggestion it isn't going to happen.  My singing has that power.  Who knew?

Go pack a shoe box of your own!

The Golden Age

Today I was driving around listening to some music and a song I had never heard came on.   I'm not sure I even made it through the first singing of chorus before I started laughing out loud. It was one of those moments when I was glad I have a blog to share this with all of you. Read the lyrics.

We drove right past

That no trespassing sign

We sat on the tailgate

And watched the planes take off

We thought we had all night

There was no need to rush

That's when those cops

Came pulling up

And I thought

Man, ain't this some shhhh

[Bridge:]

Your daddy's gonna kill me

But if I survive tonight

I wouldn't change one thing

Baby, yeah

I know it sounds crazy

[Chorus:]

But there was somethin bout the way

The blue lights were shinin

Bringing out the freedom in your eyes

I was too busy watching you

Going wild child

To be worried about going to jail

You were thinking that

Running for it

Would make a good story

I was thinking you were crazy as hell

And you were so

Innocent

But you were stealing my heart

I fell in love in the back of a cop car

Man, they weren't playin

They sure threw those cuffs on quick

You tried to sweet talk 'em

They didn't fall for it

But I did

You were on the left

I was on the right

I knew you didn't smoke

When you asked him for a light

And I laughed

He got mad and slammed the door

[Repeat Bridge]

[Repeat Chorus]

Side by side

And locked in tight

They were taking their time

But we didn't mind

We talked

And we laughed

We sat real close

By the time they let us go

I was already gone

At first I thought it was a really bad commercial and then I thought it was sarcastic/satire...it isn't.  Yes, this was actually on the radio.  Yep.  We live in a golden age people, a golden age of music.  I think that this would be an Awesome theme song for a reality tv show!  I mean we also live in the golden age of tv, where shows like Here Comes Honey Boo Boo and Keeping Up with Kardashian's are prime time shows.  I can completely see that chorus leading into a shot of a woman detailing the beginning of her relationship, stars in her eyes, or maybe just the reflection of the infamous blue lights.  You know it would be a hit.  Haha, I'm sorry, every time I look at the lyrics I chuckle some more!  Welcome to the Golden Age!

The Minutiae of My Day

Nothing greatly interesting happened today but here's a breakdown.

1.  Massive headache, no fun.
2.  Fake smelling sausage balls.  One the pills I take for the IUI makes me smell sausage balls, but there aren't any to be had. I think I'll make some this weekend cause my mouth keeps watering thinking it is 'bout to have some tasty breakfast food.
3.  Talked to my friend Bev. We are going to try to get together soon. I hope we can craft. I'm thinking I need to do a Christmas craft.
4.  Lea Michele sang You Are Woman, I Am Man from Funny Girl on Glee. On the one hand Funny Girl! Yay!! On the other hand, her character may idolize Barbra, but she just doesn't have the vocal chops that Streisand does.
5.  Josh renewed my license online. I'm glad because I tried and got redirected to some shady website.
6.  I got half way to book club before I realized it wasn't until next week.

That's my day in a nutshell.

My First Ebook

I have stepped into the 21st century.  Granted, it was more like I stuck my pinkie toe in the waters while squinching my eyes up saying "I don't think I'm gonna like this!!"  Yep, I read my first ebook.

I read The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel on my iPad.  The book was dreadful, but the ebook experience wasn't terrible.

Pros:
There was an option to make the pages off-white, closer to the actual pages of a book.  That helped with eyestrain.
You could see how many more pages you had left in both the chapter and the rest of the book.
Obviously you can have more books in way less space.  Josh would appreciate this since he generally carries my overburdened suitcase.

Cons:
It's more awkward to hold the iPad for hours than a real book.
I look at a screen all day long so it's nice to read an actual book.
No happy book smell.

I think day-to-day I will stick to regular books, but for vacations and going away times I think I'll try another ebook or two.  As Stephen Fry said:  “Books are no more threatened by Kindle than stairs by elevators.” Books are good no matter what the format!

Keypads Make Me Go Grrr

I'm on a small soapbox tonight. I'm soapboxing about, of all things, keypads. Can we just agree on a format?  This is not a difficult or particularly noble goal, but I think if we put our heads together we can come to an amicable conclussion to the keypad dilemma.

It never really bothered me that a computer number pad goes from the bottom up while a phone keypad goes top down until I started this new job. Now I use the number pad constantly and the phone a lot and it drives me bonkers!!  I have nightmares that I'm in an emergency situation and keep dialing the wrong number.

I feel like this is a more modern version of the immigrant/emigrant debate. Either is sufficient,but both  cause unnecessary confusion and heartache. Yes, my heart aches over the phone, or I could be feeling a wee bit melodramatic.  We have developed cutting edge technologies. We can talk to people in real time across continents, but dang if it isn't difficult to dial them!  I, personally, vote for the number pad style, with the #1 on the bottom left, but if everyone else agrees on top right then I'll get on board! Start a petition for the standardization of keypads!

CocoPPa

It's nights like this when I tap my fingers to my lips and say "Weeellll what shall I blog about tonight?".  It was a normal Monday.  Nothing Earth shattering, just busy.  Then I came home and made pork chops that were yummy and had leftover ice cream cake for dessert.  There four sentences brought you completely up to date on me.  But four sentences to not a blog post make.

Instead I'll show you my phone in all its girly cuteness.  I found this app last night called CocoPPa.  I don't know why there is random capitalization in that word, but there is.  It has lot of wallpapers and icons you can use to modify your homescreen.  I messed around with it and came up with this:

Look how cute that is!  Even Fruit Ninja has a fun pink/green icon.  Now if only DirectTv would get with the picture.  They're messing up my palette.

That's really all I've got. I'm boring.  Tomorrow I promise to have something more interesting to say.  Now I have to go read some more of The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel.  Ugh.  It is SO not living up to it's hype.  I've read a third of it and I'm just beating my head.

Too Many Books, Too Little Time

I really don't want to go to work tomorrow. Besides the fact that it is Sunday and that is notorious for the blahs, I also have a mountain of books I need to read. I'm reading three at a time and then I need to add another one. Yeah.

1.  Heaven by Randy Alcorn- It's really good.  I'm just about 100 pages in. For some reason the font bothers my eyes. It's like it is too close together.

2.  Bridget Jones: Mad About the Boy- I'm definitely on the fence about this book. I liked the first two, but this one sounds unfortunately whiny. Still it's a quick read and has chuckle worthy moments every now and again.

3.  MaddAddam- Super duper excited about this book. It is the final in Margaret Atwood's MaddAddam trilogy. The first two were great and I have high hopes for this one. Atwood is bad to leave endings hanging, but is hoping she really wraps this one up since it was a series.

4.  The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel- Book club is on Thursday.  Yeah.  I forgot. I haven't even started this book yet. Hopefully I can do that tomorrow. I've heard okay things about the movie and I thought the plot sounded good.  I mean, Dame Maggie Smith is in the movie so it must be amazing because she wouldn't do a bad script.

I'll be over here, hunkered down on my couch, reading like crazy.

The Big Birthday

Yesterday was my 25th birthday and is has been a wonderful couple of days. I have consumed so much delicious food that I will surely not need to eat again until at least Thanksgiving. I have felt so very special and loved. My group took me out to Rush Street for lunch on Friday and got me very nice card. That evening Josh took me to get my present and to see the new Thor movie.

Josh said the magic words that every woman wants to hear: "That necklace isn't very expensive.  Maybe you should get the matching earrings as well."  Obviously I didn't take much persuading. I adore pearls and had been wanting a single one. They look so classy. I'm tickled pink with it. Because Josh is just fabulous he also got me a bookcase. I was much in need of a new one.  The two I have are packed with books and movies.

Thor was good, but there were some Big plot holes. The supporting characters seemed to get a bigger part and I liked that. There were some cool details that were added, but I was distracted by a plot line that wasn't great. Still worth seeing though. Am I the only one that wants Thor to be with Sif instead of Jane? I feel like Sif would be able to understand him in a way Jane can't plus she can fight alongside him whereas Jane comes off as more damsel in distress even when she's helping. Maybe it's her moony eyes.

Tonight I went to Mom's and we had a Huge dinner. I had asked for chicken and dumplings, but Mom went all out and we basically had a pre-Thanksgiving dinner. Glug. So full. There was also ice cream cake. We have a ton of cake left.  Mom and Dad got me some really nice presents too, a cupcake corer, Cards Against Humanity, and all three seasons of Downton Abbey.  Eli, Josh, and I played two games of Cards Against Humanity and it's pretty fun.  It's just like Apples to Apples, but "more mature" (i.e. cruder).  Some the cards are just laugh out loud funny though.  I can't wait to watch the second season of Downton.  I somehow missed that entire season.  I bet Josh will just love getting immersed in that show haha!

This was a big birthday.  Twenty-five is the magic number in adoption.  Apparently you are considered old enough and settled enough at 25 to be a responsible parent.  Even though we are leaning toward domestic adoption now, it is cool to look at all the adoption websites and see the places that have opened up to us.  It's a little wild and slightly frustrating that when I filled out the pre-application a few weeks ago I was too young to be considered for many different programs, but now it's fine.  It just seems a little arbitrary, but I guess there has to be a cutoff somewhere.

I always wonder what will have changed between this birthday and the next.  I hope lots of good things happen :)

Holiday Open House

Tonight Josh and I went downtown for the holiday open house and I had a great deal of fun. Josh was there just to please me, but he liked the food. We just made three stops since he had homework and I didn't need any antiques from the many stores that line Broad Street. We went Stir Fry Cafe first. I was just going to get appetizers since they were half off, but Josh wanted real food. We did get crab Rangoon as an appetizer then he got Kung Pao chicken and I got a Dragon Roll. I think it was my favorite sushi roll that I've had there. We did get some soup that was really bad, but otherwise everything was tasty.

Next we went to Lamplight Theatre. We got four free tickets to any show before the end of the year! Fun!  Mom has been wanting to take Bubba to see a performance there so now they can go for free.  We went in and sat in the back and watched rehearsals for a few minutes. It made me want to grab a script and jump on stage!

Our final stop was to the ballet where I was given two free weeks of adult fitness classes. I want to go to either the adult ballet class or to a yoga class. Ballet looks the most fun, but I would need ballet shoes and some sense of grace. The yoga class is in a very zen looking room that is fortunately very dark so no one would see my rolls or my poor form. Either way it will be fun!

I took some pictures, but they were really fuzzy so just imagine the trees all strung with lights and the store fronts gleaming. There were two guys playing guitar and singing. It's was all very festive and even a bit romantic. I hope your evening was as pleasant!

Call the Midwife

                   

Have you seen the show Call the Midwife?  It's what I'm watching on Netflix tonight.  I had to take a break from Buffy the Vampire Slayer because it will just bog you down in monsters.  I very pleasantly surprised to see that Netflix has added the second season of Call of the Midwife to their queue.  It was one of the suggested shows after having watched Downton Abbey.  It's set in the late 50s in the East End of London, a notoriously difficult part of town in those days.  It's about a group of young women who live in a convent and are midwives.

I love all things British and I love all things baby related so it's a great fit.  If you liked Downton, then you probably would like this.  The humor is the same and the drama is sort of the same.  Of course, the material is vastly different and you may spend half the show trying to help the mothers-to-be push.  On the plus side, it is excellent exercise for your stomach muscles so there's an upside you don't get with most tv shows!

I get super excited about the clothes too.  I was born in the wrong decade.  Just look at this skirt:

And then this one:

                                     

And there is the point of the show-all the adorable chubby babies!!

                      

Check it out when there is nothing worth watching on cable (which is most of the time).

Talk Me Down Off This Allergenic Ledge

I want a puppy, a fluffy, cuddly, lovable bundle of fur. The problem is that I have allergies. Josh and I have gone back and forth and back and forth about getting one. He doesn't like animals in the house and says we don't have a big enough back yard for one. I say we would get used to one in the house and it could sleep at the foot of my bed.  I think this a major point in my favor because my feet are so cold at night, Josh would do almost anything to not have them on his warm shins. Then I look all pitiful and I say "I just want something to looove" and he starts to think about it just a little cause he loves me. So far, no puppy, but let us take a look at all the ones I am "collecting" on Pinterest. You can't look at these pictures and not go awwwww!





                                

                                           

                            

                                      

                                         

An Open Letter to the Motion Sensor

Mr. Motion Sensor,

I regret to inform you that a formal complaint is being lodged against you by the occupants of the home outside which you reside. The complaint stands as follows: inadequate illumination in times of need and excessive increase in power bill in unnecessary moments. The occupants of the home wish to remind you that your job is to come on when a person or large being approaches the door.  There is no need to constantly go on off when leaves or small woodland creatures run past. The home is located near woods wherein live an abundance of squirrels.  They do not require a light to find their way among the tree branches. The person trying to use the keypad does in fact need light. Please make adjustments in accordance with this complaint or you will find that your service will no longer be required at this domicile.

Sincerely,
The Committee of Unruly Household Objects

30 Days of Thankfulness

So November is the time for 30 Days of Thankfulness but the odds of me remembering that many days is skim to none. As nothing fascinating happened today, I figured I would do my 30 days all in one. I don't like to do them in order of most import because that would require me doing significant editing.

1.  Chamomile tea
2.  Flannel pajamas, they may not be sexy but darn are they warm
3.  My amazing husband
4.  My cool brother who still likes to hang out with me
5.  My parents who are incredibly supportive
6.  Netflix which keeps me from having to leave my couch to be entertained
7.  My new job that I actually like
8.  The incredibleness that is a library, so many books, no output of money!
9.  Chocolate
10.  That Josh is almost out of school
11.  Pasta
12.  That my car is still running which strikes me as miraculous everyday
13.  Thanksgiving, I love that holiday
14.  Sunrises with fluffy pink clouds
15.  Indoor plumbing
16.  That I didn't get pregnant right away because Josh wouldn't have been able to go back to school
17.  My house
18.  My Bubba
19.  That I get to wear dresses at my new job
20.  Fuzzy house shoes
21.  That we are starting the adoption process
22.  That we were able to go to the beach this year
23.  Cereal, one of my favorite meals morning, noon, or night
24.  My gas fireplace
25.  Music
26.  That first moment when you walk through the door after work and take off your shoes and you just sort of melt into relaxation
27.  Hanging out with Mom, she is my best friend
28.  Friends, new and old
29.  The lessening of nightmares of late
30.  My God who has had to carry me a lot this last year, but His shoulders are strong

First IUI and All That That Entails

TMI warning.  Proceed at your own peril!

So here is the infertility blogpost. Last month Josh and I did our first IUI as part of our ongoing quest to get a baby in my belly. The decision was hard for me because I am emotionally worn down. It is really difficult to try and try month after month and not succeed. With us having gone to the adoption seminar and feeling so good about it, I was content to stop trying for a bio kid for awhile.  Between Josh wanting to try it and me feeling like I should exhaust every option, I finally agreed to give it a shot.

The first part of procedure is to take Letrozole which is a medicine to make sure I ovulate and that the egg/follicle is bigger than normal. I've taken the medicine a lot before and it isn't the most fun. It makes me super hormonal and gives me migraines.  It was par for the course though, and I plowed right on through. Next we did an ultrasound on day 13 of my cycle to estimate when I was going to ovulate. For this procedure, it is very important to have exact timing.

To get the timing right I had been doing ovulation predictor tests every morning which are just like taking a pregnancy test except mine has a digital body that you stick a pee stick in. I have been using the same monitor for consistency's sake because the scientist in me likes to have fewer confounding variables. That is all well and good except I've been using the same one for over a year and it is battery operated. Yep, it broke...in the middle of a reading. I saved up so much pee I was absolutely about to bust and the the gosh darned thing broke. I said something not very nice and just stared at it, like this inanimate object was playing a trick on me. When I realized that was unlikely, I called the doctor who said I should just come on in.

Last week was one of the busiest weeks of Josh's life.  He had three tests, a quiz, an all day interview, church stuff, and trying to get pregnant which is WAY harder when the doctor who is helping is only available 9-5.  Thankfully, he was close to home and was able to hurry up to the doctor to do his part. The actual IUI wasn't nearly as bad as I had read. It didn't really hurt, it was just a lot of pressure. There were also a lot of people in a tiny room all looking way up in my business. Afterwards the doctor showed us the sperm and egg swimming around in my uterus.  It was cool, like a pre-baby picture. We did that twice, on back to back days. The second time was a little more painful because I was sore. What from you ask?  The cranking. To do this procedure they have to dilate your cervix and they do so with a little machine that cranks it open. It doesn't hurt in the moment but it is VERY uncomfortable to hear and is sore afterwards. Shew.  I shudder to think of the noise.

All was fine and dandy and I was ready to wait til Test Day to see if the IUI worked and then I learned about The Pills of Satan, otherwise known as progesterone supplements. My progesterone is normal, but procedure dictates that all IUI patients take progesterone pills. My body hates meds and it particularly hated these meds. At first it was just crying. I'm a crier, so this wasn't a big deal, but one day I did cry four times at work before 10:00.   Okay, I can deal though. Then came the faintness, hot and cold flashes, night sweats, and the most God awful nausea I have ever experienced. I was so sick that I was sick in my dreams.  I'd wake up so sick couldn't go back to sleep.  And also in a completely sweat soaked bed so let's toss sleep deprived onto that list of side effects. I was miserable to say the least.

So I call my doctor and I tell the nurse (who is also the good doctor's wife) what all is going on and she says "That's impossible. You can't have side effects when progesterone is taken vaginally (forgot to mention that tidbit, these pills weren't the oral kind!).  The medicine isn't systemic you aren't having side effects."  Call me Clara Oswin Oswald then because I am the impossible girl!

                                      

The the nurse follows up with: "Everyone here has the stomach bug so we just gave you that."  Oh goodie? Is that somehow better?  Hope I didn't pay extra for that privilege!

I only have a few more days on the horrid pills, but until then I'm drinking chamomile tea like I'm Peter Rabbit as that is the only thing that helps the nausea besides holding my breath which is sort of a short term solution at best. There is only a 9% chance that this worked so I'm fully expecting another negative test. We will do this twice more and then reevaluate.


                                         

NaBloPoMo!

It's November which means it is NaBloPoMo. I'm going to try to blog everyday but I tried that in April and I crashed and burned haha!

So what have all you lovely readers been up to? Gosh it has been forever since I blogged. I feel bad because right now the only blog worthy things going on in my life is more infertility and Josh job hunting. I'll talk about the infertility stuff tomorrow and then Hopefully not for the rest of the month, though I don't promise.

This month is going to be exciting. My 25th birthday is next week, the new Thor movie is coming out, the 50th Dr. Who anniversary is later this month (the 23rd?), Thanksgiving-my favorite holiday, Black Friday.  All sorts of stuff!

More stuff tomorrow, this is just an intro to the month.

How the Meeting Went

Yesterday Josh and I went to meet with Bethany Christian Services about starting the adoption process. I feel like there is so much to say on this topic!!

Let's start with a little background. I have known that God was calling me to adopt since I was 16. That means that I've spent 1/3 of my life thinking about and praying about a child that I wouldn't carry with my own body. Knowing now the problems that Josh and I have faced with pregnancy, I feel like God was preparing my heart for a battle I didn't even know I would face. An adopted child IS NOT the same as biological child and vice versus. They are separate. I hate when people act like an adopted kid is a consolation prize, like "oh, you can't have a baby of  your own so here have this cast off." Ugh it makes me sick. The kid we get will be ours and is NOT a second choice. Adoption has always been a part of our family building plan. I actually broached the topic of adoption when Josh and I sat down to talk about whether we were going to be dating "seriously". I didn't want to start a relationship with someone who couldn't see himself parenting a child he hadn't helped create. That's a big deal and you have to feel called to it. Fortunately, Josh was on board and committed right then to adopt with me at some point.

So we went into this meeting and I was dead set on international adoption. I have heard horror stories about domestic adoption and I have just always pictured myself with a rainbow family of little African, Asian, and American kids. There are obviously very difficult things about international adoption, but I was pretty sure I was ready. Well, we sat and listened and I asked questions and then we came out to the car and started a well known game "what did you think?" "No you go first". Finally I told Josh that I really felt God nudging me to listen and soak up and hear what they were saying about domestic adoption. Josh said he felt the same way. He has been more open to that the whole way through. We talked about it a lot more of course and Josh said he feels as sure about domestic adoption as he did about going to engineering school. That's a lot of surety.

We, especially me...I?, are really praying about this since it is Such a huge change of mindset for me. Here's a confession though, I am so excited you guys! Like I can't even make you understand. I've thought about this for so long and with particular intensity during the whole trying to conceive times, but its like I'm seeing the first blushes a dream that might come true. We might have a family! There might be little feet that run and jump in our house. So that is where we are, I'm going to email the adoption counselor on Monday to get a preliminary application and most,y pray and seek God's will before we make too many steps. I'll keep you all posted.

At the Risk of Sounding Like a Hipster

One of the trademarks of a hipster is that they are into these really obscure bands that no one has ever heard of.  Well, I have found one of these little known bands that is awesome!  Honestly, they are probably better known than I realize, but still, I claim them.

They are called Scott Bradlee and the Postmodern Jukebox and they take popular songs that are on pop stations like 94.9 and redo them in vintage styles from the big bands of the 30s to the doo wop of the 50s.  Every member of the group is brilliant.  The pianist is wonderful and they have some horn players that, oh, oh they are good.  I am so used to the roar of electric guitars and pounding drums and lyrics that are more spoken than sung, that it is really neat to hear the same lyrics completely redone.  Take a listen.

  Oh!  And bonus, they band members dress up in the style of the day that they are mimicking!

It's Okay Because

The worst of the hormones have passed through now and I am ready to blog about why it is okay that I haven't been able to get pregnant. You can only be so cheery when you are willing to bowl over small people in an attempt to get the last of chocolate ice cream. So in no particular order:

It's okay I'm not great with child because...

...Josh and I can hopefully go on a trip after he graduates. You can't fly if you are six months pregnant or more.

...I can stop pushing protein. I have eaten chicken until I am about to sprout feathers. I'm not a huge meat fan. Glad I can stop that!

...I can diet. I've gained several pounds and now I can work on getting them off without worrying if I am depriving a growing fetus of nutrients.

...I can have a glass of wine if I want it.

...I don't have to send any texts to Josh saying he better feel romantic because I am ovulating. That doesn't really get anyone in the mood, FYI.

...I can eat sushi any time I want it.

...I don't have to shake hands with multiple doctors, nurses, and random people while they stand in between my legs. Seriously, introductions should be made before the underwear is off. That is even one night stand etiquette!

...I can stop counting. Counting til ovulation, counting til I can test, forever counting and not living.

...I can focus on other things in life besides all things baby related. My brain needs a break! I dimly recall a time when I wasn't completely wrapped up in "what ifs" and "maybe this months".

...Josh and I won't have this kind of alone time ever again.  I can actually enjoy it and do couple things.

...my house is quiet. That is really peaceful and little ones aren't exactly peaceful.

...I'm finally in a job I like so I can focus on my career for a bit.

Finally,

...God has a plan. Josh and I have prayed long and hard about the child we so desperately want. If we don't have a precious bundle yet, it isn't because God isn't hearing our please. It's because He has something else in mind. I've suggested that a baby would be a good thing, but He hasn't said yes yet. God has bigger plans for us than we have so this has become a lesson in trust.

97.2%

If you have ever had surgery, you know that your doctor is required to go through all the risks, including the risks of anesthesia. He usually says something about having never had anyone not come out of anesthesia, but he has to tell you that there is a one percent chance (or so, probably less) that that can happen. You nod and sign on the dotted line for him to do the surgery. It isn't until you are just about to go under that you really appreciate that that 1% was a person, not just a number. That it affected their lives. That is how statistics are, they are helpful, but can blind you to the fact that it equates to real lives.

That is how I feel now. There was a 97.2% chance that I would be pregnant by now given my specifics. And yet, still no baby in sight, another failed month, another test with one line. When I heard the numbers, I never really even considered that I would be in the 2.8%. I mean, the other percentage was so high it seemed practically guaranteed. But of the blue million (but probably closer to 100) pregnancy announcements I've seen and heard of since we started trying there are two other women who are as heartbroken as I am. My heart breaks for those two women too.

Soon I am going to write a post about why all this waiting and trying is okay, because I know in my head I know that it is, but my heart is hurting. I am mourning for all the things that could have been and all the babies that I didn't manage to conceive. I'm sad because my doctor says (or said when I last saw him, I go again next week) that IVF is the only option left to us. Josh is concerned that if we don't try it then we may never have biological children, but neither of know if we should go down that path since it could be at the expense of the child we hope to adopt. It's so many big decisions about a process that comes so naturally to other women, it happens accidentally to so many!

Josh and I will be okay and we'll pull through this fine because we have to and because so many other before us have. Doesn't mean it's fun though and it doesn't mean we aren't sad that our efforts and our doctor's are failing. Tomorrow is a new day, hopefully with fewer hormones!

New Job Recap

On Monday I started a new job and I want to tell you about it because...I like it!  I know, I was shocked too!  I am working as Customer Service Rep (still at Eastman). I was anxious to get a new position, but I was worried about talking to a lot of people because I am an introvert and this would be waaay out of my comfort zone. The job is a lot more taking orders, than listening to irate customers.

There are also two new friends! That is super exciting to me.  We are all three about the same age and we hired in at the same time so we are equally overwhelmed. The other women are also nice, but four of them are about to retire so I won't have time to get to know them well (talk about throwing you in the deep end when they are gone!).

Also, here is more goodness about this job, SHOES!!  In the lab I had to wear flat, closed toe, closed heel, non-permeable shoes. You can imagine with those requirements how attractive your options were. In this job, I can wear my long beloved high heels and I can also wear dresses. I love dresses and heels it makes me feel feminine and like I have a "grown-up" job. Now I know there are Tons of jobs that don't require nice outfits, but I associate that with "having arrived".

Of course, I have only just barely started so I may hate the job, but so far I am enjoying what I'll be doing (and what I'm wearing).

Then I Was Flabbergasted and Speechless and Angry

I've told you guys that I'm not big on confrontation.  I don't think many people really relish confrontation, but the second anyone voices a dissenting opinion I have a hard time standing up for my own because I don't want to ruffle feathers.  It's not a great quality in all actuality and I've been working on it the past couple weeks.  I've stood up for myself to a couple of different people and it gets a little easier each time.  I started a conversation with this guy I knew and for a little bit I tried to explain my side, but then he said something so...dumbfounding, maddening, URGH!  that I was completely at a loss.  Let me tell you about it.

This man that knew that Josh and I are trying to get pregnant (because who doesn't?) asked me how that was going the other day.  I am not that close to this guy and I never really meant for him to know these intimate details of my life so I gave him the most basic recap possible in hopes of just moving on.  I told him that I had had surgery, it went okay for what it was supposed to do, but caused another problem that I was now taking meds for.  Now we had three months for that to work and if it didn't then we would be at the end of the line and have to decide between IVF or adoption.

He listens to all this, nods and says "Well, I'll tell you, I think you should get IVF if at all possible."

Most people I know take the other side so I asked him (here was at least the first mistake):  "Oh and why is that?"

He responds with, "There is nothing like your own child.  Even though I don't think you would want to show favoritism, you can never love another child like you would love your own.  You need to have your own."

My mouth fell open a little.  I have Strong feelings about adoption which I went on to explain to him:  "No, an adopted child would be "my own child".  Even though I won't birth that kid, I will be that child's mom and take care of in every way a bio mom would.  I've known that I wanted to adopt since I was 16 and I've been praying for my adopted baby since then.  I wanted this child before I knew a bio child would be an option.  I wanted this baby when I didn't know if I would get married and thought I would be a single adoptive parent.  I've been praying for this kid for a 1/3 of my life and I can't Wait until she is home with us and I will love her the same as I will any child that comes from my body."

That was hard for me.  He's an older guy and I don't like to say anything opposing an elder, but still, touchy subject.  Okay so I figure this conversation is over and it should have been.  I tried to excuse myself, but no, he had one more thing to say:  "You aren't a real mom until you've had a baby."

Hold the phone.  He did not.  Oh yes he did.  So all the parents who have opened their homes to children who had no where else and loved them and cleaned up all manner of body fluids at 3am, those people aren't real parents, but a woman who stays so drugged or drunk out of her mind that she completely neglects or abuses her kid, that woman is a "real mom" and the other isn't?  A parent isn't made by the person who contributed DNA to the child, it's who takes care of that child, who loves that kid to distraction, who sacrifices for that child.  I was furious.  Even typing it makes me mad.  I guess I shouldn't have expected anything different from the same man who said that "breastfeeding" is an offensive word.  Eye roll.