Yesterday Josh and I went to meet with Bethany Christian Services about starting the adoption process. I feel like there is so much to say on this topic!!
Let's start with a little background. I have known that God was calling me to adopt since I was 16. That means that I've spent 1/3 of my life thinking about and praying about a child that I wouldn't carry with my own body. Knowing now the problems that Josh and I have faced with pregnancy, I feel like God was preparing my heart for a battle I didn't even know I would face. An adopted child IS NOT the same as biological child and vice versus. They are separate. I hate when people act like an adopted kid is a consolation prize, like "oh, you can't have a baby of your own so here have this cast off." Ugh it makes me sick. The kid we get will be ours and is NOT a second choice. Adoption has always been a part of our family building plan. I actually broached the topic of adoption when Josh and I sat down to talk about whether we were going to be dating "seriously". I didn't want to start a relationship with someone who couldn't see himself parenting a child he hadn't helped create. That's a big deal and you have to feel called to it. Fortunately, Josh was on board and committed right then to adopt with me at some point.
So we went into this meeting and I was dead set on international adoption. I have heard horror stories about domestic adoption and I have just always pictured myself with a rainbow family of little African, Asian, and American kids. There are obviously very difficult things about international adoption, but I was pretty sure I was ready. Well, we sat and listened and I asked questions and then we came out to the car and started a well known game "what did you think?" "No you go first". Finally I told Josh that I really felt God nudging me to listen and soak up and hear what they were saying about domestic adoption. Josh said he felt the same way. He has been more open to that the whole way through. We talked about it a lot more of course and Josh said he feels as sure about domestic adoption as he did about going to engineering school. That's a lot of surety.
We, especially me...I?, are really praying about this since it is Such a huge change of mindset for me. Here's a confession though, I am so excited you guys! Like I can't even make you understand. I've thought about this for so long and with particular intensity during the whole trying to conceive times, but its like I'm seeing the first blushes a dream that might come true. We might have a family! There might be little feet that run and jump in our house. So that is where we are, I'm going to email the adoption counselor on Monday to get a preliminary application and most,y pray and seek God's will before we make too many steps. I'll keep you all posted.