Saturday, May 25, 2013

First Surgery, Now Medication...Whatever I'll Try Anything

**Warning, gentlemen, this might not be the post for you.  We're going to talk about Really girly stuff.**  Here is a meme to sum it up:

Remember me having surgery?  That was about two and a half months ago and things haven't gone as smoothly as I would have hoped.  Guys, I am so beyond frustrated with it.  I'm going to rant for just a sec.  Josh and I paid a great deal of money to get this surgery done.  I went through the pain and discomfort and the people at work being hateful about me being off.  My doctor seemed SO sure that this was going to work.  Wham bam, I was supposed to be great with child.  It just hasn't happened.  Let me tell you what did happen.

PMS.  So freakin' much PMS happened.  Before this surgery I had very regular cycles, 29 days.  I had quite a lot of cramps, but nothing lots of Tylenol couldn't take care of.  After this surgery my periods went to 38-40 days.  Let me say it again-Forty.Stinkin.Days.  That would be bad enough except that the PMS was insane.  I started PMSing at normal time and it just went on and on and on.  I was a complete emotional basketcase.  I watched Grey's Anatomy and was in a sobbing mess, like shaking, couldn't breathe because I was crying so hard.  Yeah, it was sad, but not that sad.  Emotions were just craziness.  Also I could have ripped  someone's head off and eaten double chocolate ice cream out of their skull.  So, some anger and cravings, teeny tiny bit of each ;)  And cramps, a whole new world of cramps of the sudden "I think my ovaries are being jerked out by an invisible source, Sweet Jesus above I'm going to die" variety.

I know there are no guarantees with any surgery, but gee this is not what I signed up for.  I went back to the doctor yesterday and he said I am no longer ovulating.  Yippie freakin' ki yay.  I was ovulating before the surgery.  I had that confirmed by two doctors, an ultrasound, and the surgery itself.  So the surgery actually Stopped my ovulation.  That's awesome, Exactly what I was hoping for.  Now I am on some medication (Letrozole, similar to Clomid, but without as many risks) to restart my ovulation.  We have three months to try this.  Hopefully, hopefully, hopefully this will work.  I am crossing my fingers, toes, hair, eyes, everything.  I think it will work.

Two funny things happened at the doctor's though.  He was doing my ultrasound and he says "Oh your ovaries are Spectacular!".  I couldn't help but laugh!  I mean what an odd compliment.  I thanked him because what else can you say??  Then I was putting my legs in those lovely stirrups and I had a muscle spasm and kicked the doctor.  I was mortified!  He was shocked, I was shocked.  I just started apologizing.  Thankfully it was just in his arm, not like his face or something.  Like that appointment wasn't uncomfortable enough without patient/doctor abuse!

That's the update.  More as I know what's going on.  Have a lovely weekend my darlings! 

Saturday, May 18, 2013

A Persistent Verse

Do you believe in coincidences?  I'm not a big believer in coincidences.  That being said let me tell you about something that has been happening to me.  Wait, maybe you need a bit more information.  I work in the nursery at my church.  We have some majorly cute babies that I get to play with.  I do that twice a month, so I'm only in "big girl church" half the time.  Okay, moving on.

In the past year, I have heard the same verse preached on FOUR times in the past year and I've come across THREE times in reading different stuff.  Okay, so at this point, I'm sure I'm supposed to be getting some sort of message out of.  I appreciate how patient God is being while He tries to get whatever He saying through my head, but I'm just not getting it.  Isn't that awful??  I feel horrible!  Here I think God is telling me something, but I just have no idea what it is!  So help me out.  The verse is from Nehemiah 6:3.  The full thing is

So I sent messengers to them, saying, “I am doing a great work and I cannot come down. Why should the work stop while I leave it and come down to you?” 

But the part I have heard preached/read over and over is the "I am doing a great work and I cannot come down" part.  Let's talk about ideas I/Josh/Mom have batted around.  Please feel free to weigh in on an idea or suggest something I haven't though of because I obviously haven't gotten it yet because it keeps coming up.

1.  I should stay where I am because that's what I need to be doing.
2.  God is doing a work in me and it isn't over yet.
3.  God has a long list of great works He is doing and is too busy to listen to my numbers (Dad added, "Please take a number and I'll get back to you.")

I had one more, but for the life of me I cannot come wait, I cannot think of what it is.

Considering how often I'm not present to hear a message it is amazing how often I hear this verse.  And then just coming across it reading is odd too.  It's not like I'm finding it as a I read through the Bible either, it's been in a couple of devotionals that I don't normally read, but just happened to pick up and it was open to a page that had that verse and devotion on.  I feel like I need an epiphany! So for the moment I'm still soul searching and praying and listening.

Wednesday, May 15, 2013

I'm Going to Become Samson

Let's chat. I'm married, you know that.  I love Josh more than I ever thought I could love anyone. Our marriage is different than anyone else's. That is a basic principle of a relationship, be it marriage or dating, it is specific to the people in it.

That was the preface to this rant. What in the name of all that is good is something doing weighing in on the dynamic of my marriage??  As I'm typing this I wonder if I've written this before. I honestly might have, I'm this far in on the iPad so I'm finishing. There is this woman I know who feels the need to give her opinion. I like to consider Josh's thoughts in how I cut my hair. It's on my head so I don't see it that much, but Josh sees it. I like to think about what Josh likes. He will think I'm pretty no matter what, but I know he thinks my hair looks nice one way or another.

This Kills me! Not her place!  If I want to ask Josh, that's my business. Grrr, just irks me. I don't want to give my thoughts on someone else's marriage unless they ask for it specifically because I don't know everything about them, about how they work, how they interact, etc. I know that a lot of women who are very much "My body, my business!"  That's fine, that's cool, that's just not me. I think that my marriage vows make my body not entirely my own.

Okay that's all. Now I'm going to stop. I'll figure out what I want to do with my hair and ill ask Josh what he thinks because I value his opinion so there!

Sunday, May 12, 2013

When Mother's Day Is Hard

Today is Mother's Day.  Boy, it's a rough day for women whose arms are empty and aching.  I think I'm still under half a dozen crying spells though.  Success?

This is exactly how I feel everyday, but particularly so on Mother's Day.

To all the other women who are suffering along with me.  I'm so sorry.  I'm sending you an extra big hug.  I understand how your heart is breaking.  I know how hard it is to see announcement after announcement, to see the months pass with negative tests each time, it's hard and it doesn't seem fair.  

I feel sad, hurt, confused, frustrated, and tired.  Sad because I'm not a mom yet.  Hurt because sometimes it feels like God isn't hearing my pleas.  Confused because I see 16 year old girls getting pregnant accidentally by having sex one time and yet Josh and I can't even after trying 19 months.  Frustrated because, duh, obvious reasons.  And tired, so tired of trying and tired of failing and tired of getting my hopes and especially tired of Josh having his hopes up and then having them dashed.  Seeing his disappointment is so much worse than my own.  As Ron Weasley said "One person can't feel all that at once; they'd explode!"

The bad thing is, it isn't just women who are trying and can't get pregnant that are feeling a little raw today.  It's mom's who lost their babies to a miscarriage or death.  Women who were never able to get pregnant and are now past the point in life where they can.  Women who are waiting on their baby to come home whether that means adoption, sickness in a hospital, or even a child that has run away or isn't speaking to his/her mother.  All those women are hurting.  I hurt for them.

Here's the good news:  tomorrow will be better.  It will be better, if for no other reason, then it isn't a day that will highlight what you don't have.  Most of us will get pregnant, but the truth is, some of us won't.  However, none of this happens without God allowing it.  Look at the great women of the Bible, so many of their stories feature their trials in conceiving:  Sarah, Hannah, Elizabeth, and Tamar.  Ladies, we are in good company.  We may weep bitterly to the Lord (1 Sam. 1:10), but there will likely come a time when we rejoice and say I asked the Lord for this child (1 Sam. 1:20).

Friday, May 10, 2013

Shopping, Lots and Lots of Good Shopping

Today Mom and I hit town hard.  We hadn't shopped in several weeks so we each had a list of things we needed to get and accomplish.

I got two new pairs of shoes.  Only one is pictured because it is way too far to walk across the room just to take a picture.  Yeah, I'm feeling That lazy, deal with it.  How cute are these?!  Plus, on clearance!

Then we went to CVS.  I've just started doing couponing there because they have Extra Bucks.  I say this because this is hardly a "haul", but I'm just learning.  Here's the breakdown

Shick Razor=$12.99-$4.00EB-sale price=$5.49
Shick Shaving Gel=Free w/purchase of Shick razor (manufacturer's coupon)
All=$3.99 (sale price)-$1.00 manufacturer's coupon=$2.99

Original price (no sales, no coupons)=$20.97+tax
Price with coupons, Extra Bucks, and sales=-$1.50

Yes, that's right, they paid me to walk out of the store with merchandise.  I got four dollars in Extra Bucks and $4.40 in cash because they rang it up wrong.  Three items do hardly a crazy couponer make, but guys, SO MUCH FUN!!!

After that Mom and I went to Wal-Mart for the best part of the day. Yes, I know free stuff is hard to beat, but look at this buggy full of joy...

How much do you want to play???  My family has been helping out some kids in Belize for several years now and Mom decided she wanted to send board games to the local orphanage there, so we all chipped in and got this cart of wonderfulness.  I so so wish I could go down there and hand them out.  And play Mouse Trap.  Mom wouldn't let me have that when I was a kid because it had so many pieces.  And Clue because I haven't played Clue in a long time.  It was like shopping for Operation Christmas Child in May!

So that was my day, productive and fun, just as a weekend day should be.  Tomorrow is a Hobby Lobby day.  Oh it's gonna be good :)

Thursday, May 2, 2013

The Lost Art of Phone Etiquette

How did you guys like me blogging "every day" in April? Yeah that went so well for me lol.

I'm soapboxing today, ready?  I talked this guy on the phone today which is leading to this rant on phone etiquette. Now, a lot of etiquette has gone by the wayside, but when you make a call, you should state your name if you don't call much.  I don't know everyone by their voice from work. This guy calls, we both say hello, and then...nothing. Just silence. You called so speak!!  We used to have some neighbor kids like that. They would ring the doorbell and when we answered they would just stand there and stare at you.  Staring with vacant expressions.

Finally the guy says something and we start one of the most halting, stilted conversations ever.  We going over a technical problem when I apparently said something confusing. Instead of saying "can I have some more information?" Or "can you clarify that?" he just said "more information."  "More information?!" That's it?  I felt like Siri!  Geez people, little politeness goes a long way!

I know these are earth shattering revelations but try to remember to speak when you call someone and maybe not bark orders like they are a fluffy Pomeranian.  Or better yet, just text,that way you can't hear me rolling my eyes.