Thursday, November 17, 2011

Sparkle Sparkle Little Vampire

I'm about to offend some of you...are you ready?  Okay, let's do this.  Let's talk Twilight.  Twilight so many things, none of which is very complimentary.  I read all four books.  I've seen two of the movies (well, that is a stretch because Josh and I kissed a lot during the second one).  I read all the books because someone told me the third was the best and by the time I had read that many I felt like I was too far in not to finish.  I say all that to say, I know of which I speak.

Let's start with the writing in general.  Excessive use of adjectives.  I love an adjective as much as the next person but how many does it take to say Edward sparkles in the sun?  A bigger beef than that is that the characters Don't Develop!  Basically, this series could have been one book.  In the first, oh, ten or so pages Bella falls in love with Edward (for no reason because he is good looking and...he ignores her).  He doesn't like her.  He does like her.  He isn't good for her.  He leaves.  She cries.  Blah blah blah.  The characters just don't grow.  They don't progress.  They are boring.

Of course one of the biggest things is the blatant disregard for the rich vampire history.  Vampires Don't Sparkle In The Sun!!!  They burn.  Period.  End of story.  Vampires aren't really something I read a ton about but I do love Bram Stoker's Dracula and I've read Ann Rice's Interview With a Vampire.  Those were manly vampires.  Edward, well, he's wimpy. 

Next is of course, Edward himself.  Beyond sparkling, he has something like 90 years worth of knowledge in a 17 year old's body.  That is creepy!  Creepy in that he is into a 16 year old girl.  Ewwww.  It's about more than the sparkly bod ladies!  And if he isn't, he borders on emotionally abusive.  You don't see it?  He was going to kill himself over Bella.  He is controlling to her.  He dictates who she can see and what she can do.  And yet I have read reports that say women are actually Leaving their husbands because they aren't More like Edward.  I'm sure that wasn't their only problem (gosh, I hope not) but Still that it was a factor at all is a sad commentary on society.

Finally, and this one really got me, so vampire bodies don't change.  They don't age.  They remain the same.  Are you getting the picture?  So, how did Edward get Bella pregnant?  The act itself would require a change in the body, not to mention the viability of 73-ish year old sperm.  And the chromosome stuff, HUGE huff, give me a break.  That was the most absurd think I've ever read.  There was no research done into this.  Pissed me off.  No joke.  And then after this STUPID pregnancy the book continues...and NOTHING happens.

At first I was just happy that pre-teens/teenagers were reading cause reading is great, but this lacks anything that approximates good literature.  Plus I hate the messages it is sending to girls about what constitutes a good guy.  I just shake my head.  I hope you find a good book to read this weekend!

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