Thursday, May 5, 2011

Strong Meds Should Come With a Muzzle

I spent the better part of my evening in the ER on Tuesday trying to get some headache relief.  After waiting three forevers in the gross chairs they finally did a CT scan which showed I don't have a brain tumor, hooray!!  Then Josh and I waited one more forever and a nurse can me a shot with some really strong medicine.  I was flying high as a kite.  There is a reason I never did drugs in high school in college.  Yeah, there is that whole illegal thing and jail time, and I am REALLY not suited for jail let me tell you, but aside from those small things I don't handle unnatural chemicals well; I get silly and ditzy.  It is soooooo much fun when other people are like that and I am in charge of taking care of them but when it's me it isn't as fun.  So here is my experience and a couple others I happen to know.

Tuesday night Josh asked how I was doing what with my excruitaing pain and all, and I replied that I felt okay but I really wanted a cheeseburger.  I talked about all the weird things the curtains seemed to be doing.  Told Josh (I hope that was the only person I actually Told) that if I were drinking, it would definitely be time to stop.  And asked Josh to get the nurse's name because I really wanted to send her flowers because she helped me.  Josh said he didn't catch her name so the poor unnamed nurse never did get the edible flower arrangement I had settled on sending her.

Josh is even funnier on drugs though.  He got his wisdom teeth out right before we got married and I went with him.  When he came out of surgery, he told me about the wonderful nurse he met who gave him his meds.  He said he loved her...repeatedly.  I kept mildly replying that that was nice and that I was sure she was indeed a wonderful woman.  Then he took me by the arm and looked deeply in my eyes and said "No, Sierra, I Really love her!  She is the most tender woman I've ever met"  Fortunately his feelings for her waned before the wedding but I think he is still harboring some deep seated love for that woman.  It was mid-January and we were in the middle of a snow apocalypse.  We were at the drug store to get his pain meds after the surgery and I told him to not get out of the car because it was slick and I didn't want him to fall.  He said he fine.  We went back and forth and I finally said "Just wait a sec, don't get out of the car, I'm coming to help."  By the time I got around to the passenger side he was out of the car.  "Josh, you're out of the car (slightly exasperated tone)."  He looks right and left and back at the car and says "Oh!  I am!"  I nearly rolled with laughter right in the parking lot.  Then we went in and I tried to get him to sit down but he headed straight for the feminine product aisle loudly declaring that he needed Vagisil.  I had to hide and call Mom to tell her it was so funny. 

I know a few other people who have professed deep and abiding love for their doctors.  I have an aunt who insisted that the doctors were all incredibly handsome, to the point she kept interrupting their instructions to tell them how good looking they were and how they made her feel just like family.  I also know people who have the drunk thoughts along the lines of my "if I were drinking, I'd quit".  People who don't drink at all insist that they drive drunker than however out of it they are, even as their driver is shaking their head no this person doesn't drink.  Of course, no doctor believes that the person isn't an actual drunkard so you hope you never meet again in social situations. 

If you're brave enough, tell me the best "I was on some serious (prescribed) drugs and I said...." story.  I love going to the hospital with loopy people, just hope it isn't me again for awhile!

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