Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Zumba with Frankenstein

So I've written a time or two about Josh and my (mine? my's? us bodies!) quest to get healthier.  Well we are still questing.  We are doing pretty well, we are exercising several times a week and eating healthier and using a really cool app to track our calories.  It's My Fitness Pal.  It's pretty great.  The best thing is definitely that it includes most restaurants.  So if Josh is wanting chicken tenders at Cheddar's, he check the calories of exactly that meal before he orders it.

In trying to find different exercises that I don't mind doing I tried the super popular Zumba.  ...  Oh goodness.  It was a sight to see.  The first time I went to the local fitness center and they had a huge projector screen and there were maybe ten other women in a big cafeteria shakin' our thangs.  Let me just say, my "thang" it don't shake.  I was jamming though.  In my mind I looked good and I was having fun.  Well I was doing it at home the other day and I pulled my full length mirror over so I could work on getting the technique right. 

One word:  cellulite.  I was not even aware that I had so many jiggly parts!  I've always been pale, but in the past I would occasionally lay out in the sun and try to tan (mostly burning in the process) but since that time something else has come into my life, it's called a straight day job.  So in essence my thighs haven't seen the sun in, gosh I don't even know when.  I am so white right now, I could get a moon tan.

These things wouldn't be bad if it wasn't for the actual dancing performance.  I am not Latina (Re: white enough for moon tan).  I do not have the inherent ability they seem to have to move their hips independent of their shoulders or any sort of fluidity.  Watching me dance would be like watching an android trying to dance, but without all the warm fuzzy feelings you get from watching a humanoid attempt to be a real human.  Have you watched Young Frankenstein?  If you haven't, then you lead a deprived life and I will pray for you.  If you have you should remember this scene

I am about three times spazzier than him.  I wish I were joking.  I can never return to that fitness center.  I can probably not go to the library as it is attached to the fitness center.  However, I am a glutton for punishment because I keep trying in the privacy of my own home with the door locked so not even Josh can see.  At this point I am just determined to make my hips shake!  Please enjoy a chuckle at my expense as I hide behind a pillow so I don't see any of my jiggly bits.

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