Sunday, May 12, 2013

When Mother's Day Is Hard

Today is Mother's Day.  Boy, it's a rough day for women whose arms are empty and aching.  I think I'm still under half a dozen crying spells though.  Success?

This is exactly how I feel everyday, but particularly so on Mother's Day.

To all the other women who are suffering along with me.  I'm so sorry.  I'm sending you an extra big hug.  I understand how your heart is breaking.  I know how hard it is to see announcement after announcement, to see the months pass with negative tests each time, it's hard and it doesn't seem fair.  

I feel sad, hurt, confused, frustrated, and tired.  Sad because I'm not a mom yet.  Hurt because sometimes it feels like God isn't hearing my pleas.  Confused because I see 16 year old girls getting pregnant accidentally by having sex one time and yet Josh and I can't even after trying 19 months.  Frustrated because, duh, obvious reasons.  And tired, so tired of trying and tired of failing and tired of getting my hopes and especially tired of Josh having his hopes up and then having them dashed.  Seeing his disappointment is so much worse than my own.  As Ron Weasley said "One person can't feel all that at once; they'd explode!"

The bad thing is, it isn't just women who are trying and can't get pregnant that are feeling a little raw today.  It's mom's who lost their babies to a miscarriage or death.  Women who were never able to get pregnant and are now past the point in life where they can.  Women who are waiting on their baby to come home whether that means adoption, sickness in a hospital, or even a child that has run away or isn't speaking to his/her mother.  All those women are hurting.  I hurt for them.

Here's the good news:  tomorrow will be better.  It will be better, if for no other reason, then it isn't a day that will highlight what you don't have.  Most of us will get pregnant, but the truth is, some of us won't.  However, none of this happens without God allowing it.  Look at the great women of the Bible, so many of their stories feature their trials in conceiving:  Sarah, Hannah, Elizabeth, and Tamar.  Ladies, we are in good company.  We may weep bitterly to the Lord (1 Sam. 1:10), but there will likely come a time when we rejoice and say I asked the Lord for this child (1 Sam. 1:20).

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