Say What?

My brain works randomly.  Recently I had this random thought about all the phrases that people use that make me want to roll my eyes.  People in general make me want to roll my a lot but this specific phrases elicit a sigh along with the eye roll.

Church phrases:
1. "In an attitude of prayer"
Meaning, don't actually pray, just pretend.  Stand there with your head bowed and your eyes closed and keep listening to the preacher, but don't really pray.  That probably isn't what the pastor or whomever means but it is definitely how it sounds in my head.

2.  "A hedge of protection"
This is one of those little phrases that people use all the time in prayers without really thinking.  I don't have the link but I will try to find it, but Tim Hawkins does a Wonderful bit about this.  It's on youtube if you look up Hedge of Protection Tim Hawkins.  He's absolutely right though.  I want a crazy big wall or maybe a bomb shelter if we are talking protection.  Hedges just don't do it.  I've seen lots of movies where guys jump over hedges on horseback.  What if the Devil had a horse?  What then?  Think about it.

Found the link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Le33lZaMOI

Did ya really mean that phrases
1.  "It's always in the last place you look"
No kidding, Sherlock!  If I find my keys, I don't keep looking just for the fun of it!  By default whatever you find is in the last place you looked.  Major eye roll going on.

2.  "I Jerry rigged it"
Unless your name is Jerry, you didn't jerry rig it, you Jury rigged it.  As in a rigged jury.  I know a man named Jerry who rigs things a lot and quite well but otherwise you are referring to a courtroom occurrence where the jury is rigged in selection to favor one side.

3.  "He can't fight his way out of a wet paper bag"
I've heard a phrase like this about finding your way out of a paper bag, but fighting your way out of it?  Are there enormous brown paper bags where fisticuffs happen regularly?  Why is this a common phrase?

4.  Emigrant/immigrant
This isn't a phrase but it is STUPID!  An emigrant is someone who comes to a new country; an immigrant leaves a country.  Long pause.  If you leave a country don't you pretty much Have to go to a new one?  The only way having this distinction should work would be if someone left a country and stayed in international waters (immigrant) or was conceived and born at sea and then came to a new country (emigrant).  I honestly believe someone in power misspelled this word many years ago and no one had the guts to correct them.  Now we have stupid definitions for the same word.  I actually got in an argument with a teacher over this once.  I don't get on well with English teachers for some reason.  I was right this time though, this is just dumb.  The take home lesson here is don't let powerful people make stupid mistakes because you are too afraid to speak up.

Innuendos
1.  "She's hot for you"
This kills me.  People say this without really knowing or thinking about what they say.  A woman's basal body temperature goes up during ovulation, she is literally hot.  So they are really say "she is ovulating and wants to conceive your child".  That's not sexy.  Not even to a biologist.  I really just want a woman to respond to "Baby you look hot tonight" with "Well I am not in fact ovulating but thank you for your concern for my reproductive health."

2.  "I'd like to tap that"
This is just insulting.  Women are Not kegs!  I'm not much for poetry but how have we moved from "Shall I compare thee to a summer's day" to "Baby, your @$$ is stouter than a Guiness".  Seriously?  I'd prefer the former.  Yes comparing a woman to a keg is so incredibly "hot"...eye roll...not.  Get a dictionary and try again.

I hope these made you smile.  It's almost the weekend and this week is dragging on, so I thought everyone might need a little light thought!

BTW: to the people in Canada and France who are reading my blog, you guys are awesome!  I think it is just beyond cool that you stumbled across my blog written in little Tennessee!