Saturday, May 9, 2015

Birth Mother's Day

Today is National Birth Mother's Day. I am having some mixed feelings about it that I figured I'd share with all of you lovelies.

Well let's try again. I wrote a huge rambling paragraph to try to explain my feelings and it was even more convoluted than my brain. Maybe a list is the trick.

-Cordie's BM is a mother, pure and simple, she has as much right to celebrate on Mother's Day as anyone
-Separate days imply inequality, that there is a different level of "motherness" depending on whether you are parenting or not
-Cordie's mom has other children. What if Cordie wants to celebrate with them one day? I don't want her to feel like she has to celebrate her BM on Saturday while other children celebrate her on Sunday, because her siblings are somehow different.
-It brings an already potentially painful day into the spotlight by declaring "Hey, here is a day all about how you are a BM, but apparently not a mother because you have a different day." Guess what? Everyone is aware of the status of things thanks. We are trying to build a family and relationships with Cordie's birth parents on a basis of equality, not constantly pointing out our different roles. That hurts everyone.
-This seems like yet another Hallmark holiday that has been invented for additional sales.

Here is the one caveat as I see it:
-If Cordie's BM wants to celebrate BM's Day to feel special, by George we will! Hopefully one day I can talk to her about this and see how she feels and what makes her happiest. Until then, I will celebrate her on Mother's Day because I don't want her to feel separate or different.

This is all totally my opinion and every adoption situation is different. This is my disclaimer, so no yelling.

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