Saturday, June 30, 2012

Bev's Wedding and How I Showed My Butt at the West Town Mall

Today was my friend Bev's wedding.  She was a beautiful bride and looked positively Thrilled to be getting married.  I was so glad I got to witness her special day.

I really liked her table centerpieces.  It was so simple but fresh and pretty.  Plus her family used to grow baby's breath so it had a sentimental aspect to her.

Here is the bride and me together.

I'd like you to look at my dress.  It's cute, summery.  The big part of Bev's day was getting married.  The big part of my day was that dress. 

I have gained some weight this past year which is sad, but a goodly portion of it has gone to my boobs which is good.  I packed this cute little flower patterned sundress to wear to the wedding.  I had shoes that exactly matched the Barbie pink that was in the flowers.  Josh had had an appointment in Knoxville on Friday so we had stayed the night at a hotel to avoid driving back and forth on two consecutive days.  I say to say, I couldn't just change outfits at a whim.  We had to leave our hotel at 11 and had to kill time til the wedding at 3.  We shopped and hung out and at 2 we went to McDonald's to change in their bathrooms.  I slip into the dress and realize it will not zip.  I get in the car and get Josh to try to zip it.  After removing my bra and being told to "suck in my boobs", we finally get it to zip.  Okay, so I think all is well as long as I don't take a deep breath until I leave the wedding and can unzip the dress.  Josh takes one look at me and says there is no way that I can go out in public without a shawl or a new dress.  I'm debating with him on whether or not my boobaliciousness is that bad when I realize that the dress is so cutting off my circulation that all the veins in my boobs have turned bright bright blue and are starting to stand up.  Like, stick in an IV kind of stand up.  It is now about 2:10.  We run to Belk because we are close to West Town Mall and we are running trying to find a dress.  I have never shopped for clothes for myself with Josh.  Turns out we have vastly different tastes.  He picked out FIVE mother-of-the-bride dresses that he thought would look nice... if I was 55!  We grab two dress and run to the dressing room to try them on because this HAS to fit.  The first one looks like a board meeting type dress and I didn't like it.  The second one is the one that I chose.  Josh didn't like it and he kept saying "I don't like it.  I liked the other.  It looked better" and I kept saying "I like this one!  Let's just move on!".  So as I'm saying this I am booking it through the store trying to get to a checkout.  All of a sudden, I feel Josh messing with my tuckus.  I am shocked!  I whirl around to ask what in the world he is doing!  I mean this is public!  He then hisses to me that my dress is tucked into my underwear.  Because the original dress had a white background with the pink flowers, I was wearing the only white underwear I could find, lacy butt cheek baring things that have a tendency to ride up, Way up!  So yeah, I just went part of the way through the store showing my hiney to anyone who cared to look.  I was mortified.  I also gave the girl at the checkout a pretty good frontal view when I was trying to find the ink/don't-steal-me-tag somewhere in the folds of the skirt (turns out there wasn't one).  It was 2:20 by that time and the venue was 25 minutes away.  We had to break the speed limit by quite a bit to get there on time.  So, we stayed overnight to make it to a wedding that we were almost late to and I showed by posterior to several people in Belk.  Yeah, glad to be home.  Congrats to the new Mr. and Mrs. Holland!

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