Nothing Good Comes After "Cowabunga"

There are a lot of things a child can say that sends a chill through a parent's bones:  the wordless shriek that indicates a night terror, a scream of "HELP" following a thud, or even a whispered "Mommy" in the middle of the night when you open your eyes and their nose is two inches from your own.  Today I heard the scariest word so far- COWABUNGA!!  You know deep in your soul that nothing good is about to happen and that you cannot reach them fast enough to stop it.  It's the child equivalent of "hold my beer".  Here are some things you can do before responding to that terrifying call.

1.  Thank God for this opportunity to practice patience.  Delicately remind Him that you've been practicing that a lot and would like to be done with it.  K?  Thanks!  Amen.

2.  Finally remember to write "first aid kit" on the Target list.

3.  Pour the last of the Prosecco in the orange juice you poured three hours ago and still haven't finished.  It's 11, that's brunchtime,.

4.  Decide to introduce child to Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

5.  Remember that one Ninja Turtle used nunchucks and immediately decide against introducing them because what you need is your kid using her jump rope to thrash people with.

Start to head to investigate the situation.  Hear the toilet lid.

6.  Download a meditation app.

7.  Take some deep calming breaths. 

8.  Go ahead and find some paper towels and cleaning supplies.

9.  Remember your pre-child life and sigh.  Remember that you want(ed?) two more kids and laugh maniacally. 

Peek your head around the corner and ask tentatively "Is everything okay in here?"

10.  Try not to cry

(The look she gave me when she told me she wasn't using her listening ears)